Chapter 5 - Seven Years of Being Invisible
Julian didn’t speak for several seconds.
Then he sat down.
All the anger seemed to drain out of him at once.
“Did you ever love me?”
I frowned.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Turn this into a question about whether I loved you enough.”
“I’m asking.”
“Yes.”
He looked down.
“I loved you.”
“Past tense.”
I didn’t answer.
Julian rubbed his hands together.
“Sarah, I know last night was awful.”
“It wasn’t just last night.”
His eyes lifted.
I opened the drawer beside me and pulled out a small notebook.
“What’s that?”
“Something I started this morning.”
His face tightened.
I opened it.
“Three years ago, at your company Christmas dinner, you told someone I was between jobs.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“I do.”
He looked away.
“Two years ago, your boss asked about my work. You interrupted me and said, ‘Sarah plays around with investments.’”
“I was joking.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Sarah—”
“Last year, I told you I’d be in New York for a major financing deal.”
“Yes.”
“You asked if I could move it because Vanessa wanted us at her birthday dinner.”
He went quiet.
I closed the notebook.
“You didn’t suddenly stop respecting me last night.”
His face changed.
“You just finally did it in front of someone important enough that I stopped excusing it.”
Julian leaned forward.
“I can change.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you.”
“That’s not enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“Would you want to change if I weren’t president?”
His mouth opened.
Nothing came out.
I nodded.
“That’s what I thought.”
“No.”
His voice sharpened.
“That’s not fair.”
“Then answer.”
He stood.
“Yes.”
I waited.
“Yes, I would change.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been an arrogant idiot.”
For once, there was no polished answer.
No corporate language.
He looked exhausted.
“My whole life, I thought if I could become important enough, nobody could look down on me.”
“And?”
“And somewhere along the way, I started looking down on everyone else first.”
I said nothing.
He continued.
“My father used to introduce me as the son who wasn’t athletic enough. My mother compared me to cousins with better grades. Every room I walked into felt like an audition.”
His jaw tightened.
“So I learned to win the room.”
“You learned to rank it.”
He nodded.
“Yes.”
“And where did I rank?”
His eyes filled with something I had rarely seen from him.
Shame.
“Too low.”
I looked away.
He whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I believed he meant it.
That didn’t fix anything.
“Go home, Julian.”
“Will you be there tonight?”
“No.”
“Tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.”
“How long are you leaving?”
I met his eyes.
“I haven’t decided whether I’m leaving temporarily.”
He understood.
“You mean divorce.”
“I mean I need to find out who I am when I’m not spending half my energy making your behavior easier to forgive.”
He stood slowly.
At the door, he stopped.
“Did Vanessa know?”
“Know what?”
“About Zenith.”
“No.”
He gave a bitter laugh.
“She called me at six this morning.”
“I’m sure.”
“She wanted me to ask you not to tell anyone the wine was intentional.”
“Was it?”
He stared at me.
“Yes.”
I nodded.
“Thank you.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s it?”
“Vanessa is not my employee.”
“So you’re not going after her?”
I almost smiled.
“This is the part neither of you understands.”
“What?”
“I don’t need to punish everyone who disrespects me.”
I leaned back.
“I just don’t have to keep them in my life.”
Julian absorbed that.
Then left.
That afternoon, Vanessa arrived anyway.
My assistant stepped into my office.
“Your sister-in-law is here.”
“Did she make an appointment?”
“No.”
“Then no.”
Vanessa pushed past her.
“I need five minutes.”
I looked at my assistant.
“It’s okay.”
Vanessa closed the door.
“This has gone too far.”
I almost laughed.
“You poured wine on me.”
“I apologized.”
“You keep saying that like the word erases the action.”
She crossed her arms.
“Julian might lose his job.”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
“You’re the president.”
“And?”
“Fix it.”
“No.”
“He’s your husband.”
“For now.”
Vanessa froze.
“You’re going to divorce him over one stupid sentence?”
“No.”
I stood.
“I’m considering divorcing him over seven years of sentences.”
Her face changed.
I walked toward the door.
“And Vanessa?”
“What?”
“The next time you decide someone is beneath you…”
I opened the door.
May you like
“…make sure you can live without them afterward.”
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